| Ughh... |
[Oct. 30th, 2008|08:44 pm] |
I hate it when people toy with my emotions...
it kinda hurts yeah? |
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| I'm not used to bad news... |
[Jun. 19th, 2008|02:25 am] |
Bad news... it's just something that I don't get... I know everyone must come down from off of a high place and in the dirt and suffer a little but I just didn't know that that... could happen to me. I truly have lived a sheltered life. I'm used to getting my way. If things don't go my way it won't matter because it will be replaced by something else. This time I screwed up. I helped people and now I'm taking the whiplash from it. I just wish that this was a little bump instead of a huge enormous big disaster. Sure it may seem as if it is nothing because it can be fixed... but it just sets me back a whole year and I don't know if I'm ready to handle that. I almost made it to the finish line... it's right there in front of my face but I can't reach it. |
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| The end of my Freshman Year In College |
[Jun. 8th, 2008|03:53 pm] |
Overall I'm very impressed with the amount of things that I've done... along with that, overall it was extremely painful.
Tasks:
Fall:15 units, Community Council Delegate, Activities Committee, Madrigal Dinner, avg hours of sleep 8
Winter:15 units, Community Council Delegate, An A Capella group called Deceptive Cadence, Activities Committee, avg hours of sleep 5
Spring:19 units, Community Council Delegate, Community Programmer Training, The lead role in Once Upon A Mattress, Research Paper, An A Capella group called Deceptive Cadence, Ran for Mr. Middle Earth, Activities Committee, avg hours of sleep 7
It was as if I wanted to see how much pain, stress, and work I could load on myself before I would collapse. The funniest thing happened. Even though I complained, bitched, moaned, I still was able to do it all and I'm still unclear as to how I was able to do that. I've also made countless amounts of friends and I am unbearably sad that I have to leave some of them especially the ones that I live with, them I will miss the most. When you live with people they become family and I will gravely miss them. I think I have just come to the conclusion that this summer will probably be very lonely for me. I have spent so much time being around other people at all times that I'll want to be around people all the time while I'm at home but that is near impossible. Anyway I need to stop screwing around and finish my research paper.
I have however exhausted my reserves of caring for other people so this summer is all about me and no one else (although it probably won't work that way).
peace |
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| I really don't use this anymore...EVER |
[Mar. 28th, 2008|11:55 pm] |
But today I'll make an exception because this is my go to place when I want to complain about difficulties in my life when I feel like I can't hold them in any longer (even if they are really pathetic things to complain about).
So I fell for someone I shouldn't have... it burns... I burn and I always get burned and always will be burned it's in my nature I suppose. So in honor of using my LJ again I'll post the lyrics of a few songs that I feel right now.
Are You There Lyrics
MATT
Do you know—well, of course you do—
What it’s like to stand outside?
To watch the world and wish
You didn’t hurt so much, you cried
I know I’m not the only one
And I know I shouldn’t care
But when I feel these things are real
I wish I felt you there
And if I did, I’d ask you
How come life is so unfair?
PETER
Do you know—well, of course you do—
What it’s like to be afraid?
That nothing will become
Of all the plans that you have made?
So I watch the girls surround him
And he says it’s just a game
I guess that I believe him
But it hurts me just the same
And I’m all about this stupid act
So who am I to blame?
BOTH
Are you there? Are you there?
Do you watch me when I cry?
And if it’s in your power,
How can you sit idly by?
I try so hard to please you
But you never seem to see
MATT
Is it my fate to sit and wait?
PETER
Wonder what my struggle means
MATT
I wish I knew that someone out there cared
PETER
Are you there?
BOTH
Cared for me
MATT
Who’s out there?
PETER
Matt?
MATT
Yeah!
Are you alright?
PETER
I’m fine
MATT
Here, have some wine
PETER
This is holy wine!
MATT
The Father hasn’t blessed it yet
PETER
In that case…
MATT
Grab a chalice
PETER
Thanks.
Life sucks…
MATT
Here, have the rest
So why’d you leave?
PETER
The party?
MATT
Yeah
PETER
I was getting kind of bored
MATT
[Laugh] Oh, me too!
PETER
There’s another reason…
MATT
Yeah?
PETER
It sucks to be ignored
MATT
I know!
I always fight to do what’s right, and this is my reward
PETER
This is my reward
BOTH
Are you there? Are you there?
Can you make some time for me?
They tell me that you’re out there
And they tell me that you see
I try to find the meaning
God, you know how hard I’ve tried
But I don’t know where I’m going
And I don’t have any guide
MATT
They said things would get better
But I guess…they lied
PETER
Are you there?
He needs to give me more!
MATT
I’ll drink to that!
PETER
Who cares if people think we’re fine?
We’ve been through this before!
One day he’ll wake up
And realize all he needs is me
Until then, God, I wish I knew
I need a guarantee
MATT
I need to know for sure that you’ll be there
PETER
Send a sign so that I know you’re there
BOTH
There for me
PETER
Send a sign so that I know you’re there
MATT
Send a sign so that I know you’re there
BOTH
There for me
WHEN SOMEBODY LOVED ME
When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together
Lives within my heart
And when he was sad
I was there to dry his tears
And when he was happy so was I
When he loved me
Through the summer and the fall
We had each other that was all
Just he and I together like it was meant to be
And when he was lonely
I was there to comfort him
And I knew that he loved me
So the years went
By I stayed the same
But he began to drift away
I was left alone
But still I waited for the day
When he'd say I will always love you
Lonely and forgotten
I never thought he'd look my way
When he smiled at me
And held me
Just like he used to do
Like he loved me
When he loved me
When somebody loved me
Everything was beautiful
Every hour we spent together
Lives within my heart
When he loved me. |
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| Going Against the Heart |
[Oct. 23rd, 2006|11:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
One of the things that i've learned of late is that going against the heart is so difficult... so impossible that it hurts everywhere on my body. The will of one's heart truly decides what will be the outcome of life... and right now i'm trying to defy my heart.
I don't know whether to embrace what my heart says or if I should follow my common sense. Holding on to what I want sounds like the easy path... and satisfying what we what is what keeps us going. We go from object to object, person to person, looking for the thing that will quench our insatiable thirst for fufillment and purpose. I always wonder whether or not when we reach what we want if we will be content and stop wanting everything, stop our greedy desires. I feel that we can never achieve true happiness; economics is deathly correct; we have unlimited wants.
I wish I could satisfy my heart's desires of not feeling alone which doesn't make sense since I have so many friends I thought i'd feel very happy but the unlimited wants makes me yearn for more.
The Unyielding Wish
Hold onto that dream!
Tomorrow knows where and when
It's true--what you believe
Don't let go--the road will never end!
The sunset melts into the deep blue sea
It turns a crimson shade
A wonderful free fall
I just want to have the wind
Take me faraway
I've cleared impossible hurdles before,
But I know that there's more,
And I know I can make it
Who's to blame when it's not the best
That I can achieve?
Hold onto that dream!
Tomorrow knows where and when
It's true--what you believe
Don't let go--the road will never end!
Keep tryin' to believe
The biggest part of you--
And now you're ready to go!
How much longer do I have to cry
Before tomorrow's light?
A night full of sorrow
All at once I found today
I've finally hid my limits
I'm sure that when you are falling in love
It's just like blinking your eyes
Before you know it, it flies away!
I just want to learn how strong I can be
When I'm searching for love!
Hold onto that dream!
Tomorrow knows where and when
My lips're tightly sealed
But you can still see it in my eyes--
I've traveled down that road
And found the greater love
This time I know it is real!
I've cleared impossible hurdles before
But I know that there's more
And I know I can make it!
But when I got up to the starting line,
My legs were frozen with fear!
Hold onto that dream!
Tomorrow knows where and when
Reach out--unfold your arms
And take the key that opens up your heart!
Hold onto that dream!
Tomorrow knows where and when
It's true--what you believe
Don't let go--the road will never end!
Keep tryin' to believe
The biggest part of you--
And now you're ready to go! |
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| Expl(h)ode! Ignite! Wolfpack, FIGHT!!1 |
[Sep. 22nd, 2005|05:48 pm] |
Some people who involve themselves into productions really need to take them seriously. Mrs. Perish stopped an hour early due to the talking level. It really pissed me off that we can't practice because people are being dumbasses!
AND that me and jordan were one of the handful that were focusing. Mr. Girard is going to be so angry tomorrow... and the ones that were focusing are going to get backlashed with the ones that weren't. GRR... later
-|3ruce/Teh Curtis |
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| Some people really need to be nicer... |
[Sep. 20th, 2005|05:50 pm] |
A few times today people... were being extremely BITCHY to me today... and I don't usually say people are bitchy, I usually say "Oh look, not enough sleep."
I'm really hoping that's the case because if they act like this to me everyday, they are in for a deathly rude awakening from me. Okkay I feel better. So just as long as no one hits or pisses me off to the extreme. I think everyone will be okkay. so that's that.
I'm really not liking french... I think something needs to be done. I seriously am not learning, At all. By the manner I'm being taught I could teach this to myself by just reading a textbook. But no. You can't have the french three book, you need the french four book because you are in french three, and of course it makes sense...*twitch*
Goals: 1. Math Project 2. Practice songs for choir 3. French Homework 4. Study for APBio test? nah 5. Type up something for Dnglish or something like that. 6. Start reading next chapter for APUSH sometime in the next 5 days.
-|3ruce |
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| Le Weekend |
[Sep. 14th, 2005|08:41 pm] |
So here's my plan:
Friday: Football game-to sing the National Anthem for Choir at..?7:00pm? Then choir party afterwards.
Saturday:Homework/My sister's birthday so I go hang wit her yo!(haaha)
Sunday:homework, homework, homework.(hopefully I get most done saturday so I can do something... SOMEONE PLEASE INVITE ME SOMEWHERE SO I CAN DO SOMETHING ON SUNDAY!!! ;-;)
-|3ruce/Teh Curtis |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2005|06:03 pm] |
Yeah... I tried out for understudy today... but...
I didn't get it. I'm much much too bass it appears... I can't get much at all apparently not very many musicals and such have basses in them... man what a downer... I'm more upset then I should be. I'm kinda looking at it as... "I didn't get the part because i'm a bass therefore I didn't get the part because a part of me is being itself." Rather than "I didn't get the part because something I can't control (my genes) put me on the unable list."
I guess I just really wanted to BE something not just someones backup singer.
It made me very discouraged to sing at all... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 7th, 2005|09:26 pm] |
*twitch* busy schedule
-end |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2005|01:40 am] |
*not able to sleep*
**twitch** |
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| School <3 |
[Aug. 22nd, 2005|03:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  I like to learn... total nerd | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Brighter Than Sunshine | ] |
I may be the only one who feels this way but I really do love school.
Without school i'm just some guy no one knows.
Let's see...
1. AP US Mr. Carnesseca
- Within the walls of my AP US class there seem to be way too many people that I know. That is one great thing about it... but then again I guess it is bad because I like meeting new people. At least Tim and Stacey are in that class with me to keep me somewhat within normal ranges.
2. Health Ms. Martin
-Great a freshmen class with... no freshmen in it. That was one of the main things I wanted to be in that class for... To make friends with some incoming freshies, but no. I was not permitted to have access to any frosh-ish people. But besides that I know quite a few in that class as well.
3. Pre-IB Algebra II Mr. White
-Uhh the only thing wrong with that class is... I sit in the front... and the teacher kept spitting on me TTT_TTT I get flashbacks... it was horrible TT_TT. Yet again another class with many people I know. Tomorrow I'll keep tabs on how many people I know in the classes and post the # for each class. Oh and a lot of the middle school childrens I had in my class last year are in my Alg II class with me, I think there were about 6 or more.
4. English Adv 11 Mrs. Ricken
-I enjoy all my classes except maybe english because... I feel like such a loner within the english walls... I don't know any bright people for that english class. The people I do know in that class are... kinda rowdy and the others I have seen in that class seem outside my talking to range.
5. French 3/4combo Mrs. Boyle
-The only thing to mention on this class is that there were six new students and... two left I think Alison (last name?) and Rachel Sandstrom left... They were cool too... how sad they left. That class gets... way too hyper and rowdy... It will be fun... but nothing will be accomplished just like last year. *sigh*
6. AP Bio Mrs. McComas
-I deeply wanted to have Mr. Downing as my teacher... he was just good at teaching me while making me laugh from time to time with his stories. Mrs. McComas seems nice so far. I'll just wait and see how she pans out before I say anything else. Dede is in that class with me so I know i'll be fine.
Brittny however wasn't in any of my classes but I guess the only class we could have been in together was Alg II. Well the SPIRIT activites were fun they kinda helped me get my brain booted up from that extremely long summer. And I went outside my act normal for the first week policy at the Pep Rally...Opps I have school spirit unfortunately. I did well during class and mostly didn't say anything. Another weird thing about me is I haven't been eatting very much, very awkward. And so I must try to be normal and hopefully I will get a full effect of freaking a lot of people out when I come fully equiped on next monday, BEWARE.
-|3ruce |
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| Lunch is much better than Brunch |
[Aug. 20th, 2005|12:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  BeingAnxious should be smiling | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Another Day - Rent - Roger and Mimi (+chorus) | ] |
Today was a blast if I don't say so meself (hehe meself). I woke up... took a shower after my sister was done.... went to Walmart to shop with my Grams and sis. We had to buy camping stuff b/c my sister is going to go... camping ha.
That took much too long.
I waited for the time to pass as I awaited something I thought was going to happen much more often then once at the end of summer. An outting with Dede/Stacey/Tim and as well as Ryan.
So Ryan pulls into my driveway... in a extremely frightening manner. Dede was in the passenger seat and so I hopped in the back seat-ish area. We uhh... tooled over to Richie's Diner me and Dede had some chicken strips while... Ryan drank his water... I underhandedly paid for the bill which I must add was delightfully enjoyable. Tim popped in sometime at the end and we left to waltz over to StarBucks (I need a code name for it...). Tim and Dede bought some .... things? And... uhh yeah we walked down to the stop light grass area. We talked/flicked grass at each other for way too long whilest we waited for Stacey to show up. She did show up and we... did stuff...? We went back into Starbucks... and I did something HORRIBLE and bought something. And what is worse..... I..... DRANK IT. (We went to Hollywood video but that's not so interesting besides the fact we took forever to pick something. I saw about too many people in there I know). We rented "Meet the Fockers" haha. Yeah so... We all went to our home-ish areas to prepare for the movie. So Ryan + Dede drove me home I watched "Fruits Basket" for a while and ate ramen AND helped my mom try to jumpstart the El Camino so we can move it so it doesn't get taken... ANYWAY Dede called and said come on over or whatever and so I came we watched Tim left half way through (he looked so dead tired I felt so bad T_T) and we finished it. Ryan left, I talked with Dede and Stacey for an amount of around 15 minuets and then left myself after giving them each a hug and then both at the same time and commenting on how the moon is way too bright tonight.
And that my friends was my day I always leave things out but... you know it's always better when you experience it anyways. So even telling you this isn't very interesting because to have fun you have to show up or be apart of the fun. Kinda like what they teach at GOHS.
I can't wait till school starts <3
-|3ruce |
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| Inadequate feelings. I seem to change topics in this entry. |
[Aug. 16th, 2005|12:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm / lack of food | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Would you light my candle? ~ Rent *11/23/05* | ] |
I know I have a somewhat better than average intelligence, however I also know I never use it to its fullest. If I did use it to its capacity I'm not sure if it would be good enough for much of anything.
I think for the most part that I do not go on any serious levels which is why I do not always get any respect from higher level thinkers. I'm just the class clown or the friend that is there for you when you need a laugh or to feel better.
And then for those I guess you could say those with less thinking capacity could possibly look and see me as an idiot because I'm always goofing off and what not. Yet they see that they cannot exactly communicate with me because well, they just do not have the necessary people skills, other than lashing out because that's all they can do. (Fortunately I don't meet many like this).
I feel stuck at an inbetween town sort of like the way Temecula is between LA and SD. I don't exactly mesh with either group but can still understand both groups.
Something I am hoping to change this year is my seriousness, because although it is fun to have fun, I think what I really need to do is buckle down and gain a sense of direction for my life. Hopefully in doing this I don't become dull, boring, and annoying. I think I need to find a way to balance my time of being serious and being weird or interesting, whatever you want to call it.
It seems as if I can actually say things besides being funny or being idiotically random. I'm not sure however if any of this is actually interesting because now that I think of it, it may just be boring.
I guess I'm just not sure which group I belong in the Average intelligence groups or the Above average intelligence, maybe I even got dealt an evil hand that allows me to be in both. Hmm, rather than think of that I should stick with my goal and learn as much as I can from as many people as I can. I do enjoy learning to do/try/fail at new things. Failing may not be fun but at least it keeps your ego in check.
This week I think to be in a way, weird, I'll flip through my textbooks to see if I can retain any knowledge from them. I really hope I; can do well this school year, make many new friends, have fun, enjoy my last two years of high school, and maybe learn a thing or two from people I meet, oh and make better friends with the ones I already have.
So here's to doing the best we can and loads of fun up ahead. Cheers *clink* |
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| RENT |
[Aug. 8th, 2005|08:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | RENT~CDs 1&2 | ] |
I have to wait so ;fjealkjl; long till RENT comes out... I'M MAKING ALL OF YOU SEE IT! <<<<<<333333333333333333 RENT
It comes out on 11/11/05 in limited places... like three! So i'm making everyone see it when it comes out on 11/23/05
So uhh yeah ;;>_> you don't have to come if you don't come but... just to let you all know. Ya know?
Sorry for being weird... I need food lol
-End |
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| ha |
[Aug. 7th, 2005|02:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | *i'm going crazy* good night | ] |
| [ | music |
| | good night world i'm going to bed :D | ] |
*falls over*
I have no idea why but i'm laughing from having too much water... once again *falls over again*
someone is arguing with someone else right now XD;;;;; omg this is the funniest thing i've heard in my life XD;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Water makes me laugh... too much.
-end
WAQTHER a;ldsfj;li :D:DDDDDD xDDD;;; GO WATER! YEAH fiej;a i'm so crazy and have too much energy and i can't yell!! everyone is sleeping argh ahhh MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I wish people were awake and were at my house so i could talk to them or maybe I was somewhere with everyone i'd have fun with at least... D: WHY FROWN WHEN YOU CAN SMILE :DDDDDDDD!
-end again
*cough... hyperness over* good night :D |
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| nervous... eh why not! |
[Aug. 7th, 2005|12:16 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | OH YEAH *turns some on* | ] |
I think the new best feeling in the world is being nervous.
I'd have to describe it as being happy but without knowing what will happen next or, knowing what will happen next and being dreadfully excited about it.
I'm overwhelmed with this emotion at the moment without the slightest idea why...
I wouldn't have it any other way.
~Kiba-koon |
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| I have no idea what's going on with me x-x |
[Aug. 6th, 2005|12:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bleh | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *sick* | ] |
I don't feel so good... I think sugar and dairy make me sick...
I think they make me depressed too... I guess that's a good thing to know for the future...
I feel very unsatisfied with myself for some reason and I need to go to sleep and ... i don't feel good ... my stomache hurts.. well... ow... g'night...........*argh* |
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hikitsuri's journal
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